The Day I tried to Commit Suicide

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The Day I tried to Commit Suicide

I was speaking to a friend of mine the other day and she was relaying a story about a mutual friend’s granddaughter. The granddaughter committed suicide. She was 19 years old and had a bright future ahead of her. That got me to thinking about my teens and that awful transition from childhood to adulthood.

I was 17, my senior year in high school. I felt overwhelmed and lost. I don’t remember what happened to trigger this exaggerated reaction. I just remember feeling lonely and helpless. I felt that no one could understand me. So I decide that I was going to get into my car and crash into this overhanging cliff near my home. But I couldn’t find my car keys. Yes 17 with a car, job, and an acceptance letter to college. That night I tore my room up looking for my keys. I couldn’t find them and I looked everywhere.

I finally gave up looking and cried myself to sleep. The next morning I found my keys underneath the TV. How they got there, I had no clue, but that morning I had a different perspective. I bounded off to school. When I came home from school, I had a little newspaper clipping on my pillow. It said, “The only thing you need to do in the world is to survive in it” Ernest Hemingway.

My mother put it there. In that moment, the day before I didn’t think anyone saw me, saw how I was feeling or even cared for that matter. When you’re from a big family you get lost and that’s a lonely feeling.

I still have that little scrap of paper. I taped it to the inside of my bible. I look at it from time to time especially when I’m feeling lost, alone or depressed. Depression is real. We have so much going on in the world that would cause anxiety in many people. Just like that scrap of paper is my reminder that I do have people that care, so do you.

Depression is real and for anyone reading this, know that you are seen. You have people who love and care about you. You have people that can’t live without you.

To this day I don’t know how my keys got underneath my television. I like to believe that God hid them because he had more in store for me. Just like God had more for me, He has more in store for you. Survive in this world. Trust me there’s more out there for you. All you have to do in this world is survive in it!

If you have anything that you would like to get off your chest please join me in Poetic Therapy. The next event will be announced shortly so start writing your poems or just your thoughts to share with others who may be hurting as well.

Until next time…Enjoy the journey!

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