Not Your Typical Bedtime Story
The Whine-Wine Blog
Because every rant, rave or whine goes down better with a great glass of wine!!
So I’m sitting here getting ready to watch the State of the Union address. I want to provide my thoughts on this but I am sure I will have to marinate on it and reflect before I can provide a thought-provoking response or rant. So, I’m leaving you with one of my past scary-tales on dating! I figured since I’m getting back into the dating scene and trying different dating sites, I would revisit some of my old stories. If you followed me for a while, you knew I wrote a blog back in the day called “The Missadventures of Janice Brantle – Who said dating was easy? The following is one of my stories…
The Misadventures of Janice Brantle
Damn is it 2007 already?!
BI-ATCH
Ok, ladies here's the deal. When does a man become a BI-Atch as the younguns would say? Did you like him or was he just as little pussy to you? I know, I know a little strong. How about a little Punk? A little better? Well, let me tell you this little scary tale!
My girlfriend and I decided to go out. You know on a Sunday since it was Memorial Day weekend, no work on Monday. Yeah! It was time to get our party on! We went to this little joint, pulled up. Looked around. Looked at each other. DAMN! We said in unison. The parking lot was pretty empty. It was already 11 PM, too late to take our pretty little asses somewhere else. What the hell! We went in.
We walked in. Looked around. Looked at each other and said Damn! Ok, so how about we were looking fly as hell! My girl just got her hair done. I had on this skimpy little halter dress on hugging in all the right places. We just shook our heads. What we saw would make the strongest woman cry. We kept looking around in disbelief. The hostess kept trying to push us through the door. We just stood there watching and blinking our eyes trying to make this nightmare go away. Can you say THRILLER! As in Michael Jackson! First of all the average age was 65 years old. They were obviously blind. Every one of them had on bifocals. It looked like a four-eye convention for over the hill men trying to get their groove back! And what they had on! Oh, I can't even describe it!!!!
We sashayed to the bar. We had our choice of seats of course! All four, eight, sixteen eyes were on us bifocals and all! I felt like we were caught in the gaze of giant flies ready to pounce on their prey. Now you know, I must say we were the prettiest women that walked through the door so they couldn't help it! I’m not even going to go into what the women looked like that night! All I can say was oh my God!
"Damn"! I said. "The first time there's more men than women, and they look all dried up like raisins!
"Yeah, and it looks like an eyeglass convention in here!" My girl chimed in. I mean every man in there was old, had potbellies and inch thick eyeglasses hanging from their noses. We sat down, disappointment written all over our faces. Then my girl just started cracking up.
"What?" I said cause I needed some of that laughter to brighten this otherwise dreary evening.
"I didn't know the circus was in town?"
"Girl, what are you talking about?"
"There's Sad Clown?"
"What?" I said, and no sooner then I said that this old as dirt man walked by with his polyester shirt open showing his gray chest hairs. His face had permanent marks on it around the mouth area. It made him look sad as in a sad clown face. All he needed was a little white makeup, a red nose, floppy shoes and a bag of tricks! I just started cracking up! He turned around, and we both laughed harder!
After sitting for a few minutes watching the grandpas watch us, we decided to order drinks since the grandpas didn't make a move to offer us one. I guess their social security checks didn't cover any extras! All they did was sit there and drool. Then a miracle happened; a group of young men walked in. My girl looked at me, I looked at her we clinked glasses. "The night just got a little brighter!" I exclaimed. "Amen to that." She continued.
Now don't get me wrong. The guys that walked in weren't the best-looking men in the world, but at least they were under fifty. They were clean cut. They dressed nice. They were a little on the short side but the way this night was going short was really good!
One of them just couldn't keep his eyes off me. Thank God it was only two eyes and not four! He was about 5'9", chocolate and I love me some chocolate. He was dressed nice, but he had on a plaid light blue dress shirt; small white plaids with a white collar and cuffs. Nice shirt but the tie was throwing me a bit off. It was paisley. It clashed to me or something wasn't just quite right. Should have taken that as a clue. The cufflinks were nice though so I smiled at him. He smiled back.
A real sexy song came on. I was tired of sitting. I wanted to dance. I went over to the chocolate brother that was staring a hole into me and said, "Do you dance?" using my sultry come hither voice.
"A little" He responded.
"I dance a little also," I said. He, started to hem-haw around like he was shy so I grabbed his hand and led him to the dance floor. I could just feel his eyes watching my butt as I walked and I knew what was going through His mind.
Ok guys and dolls. What wait now I know y'all didn't think Y'all were going to get the low down right now!!! Y'all know the drill. Stay tuned for the rest of the story…
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